Meaningful relationships are central to our sense of joy and purpose in life. While healthy relationships power our engines every single day, a relationship that is embroiled in constant emotional turmoil is, sadly, doomed, no matter how much the partners may love each other. All the beautiful traits you cherish in a mate cease to matter if the two of you cannot learn how to work through conflict and disagreement.
Emotion regulation is an essential skillset that can help restore your relationship while simultaneously revitalizing each partner’s sense of positivity. To learn the basics of emotion regulation and how to apply these techniques to your relationship, please read on!
Understanding Emotion Regulation
Emotional regulation is exactly what the term implies: having the ability to manage your emotions when a situation, person, or thing triggers them. Rather than attempting to tamp down or suppress common emotions like frustration or anger, emotion regulation techniques help you navigate the triggering episode calmly. To accomplish emotion regulation, we’ll learn to access both conscious and unconscious actions that help us respond appropriately to challenging situations.
The benefits of applying emotion regulation skills in our daily interactions with others are many, especially for relationships – romantic, family, or professional alike. Learning how to better manage negative emotions or conflicts improves our relationships, and that boosts our mood and overall quality of life. In essence, having fewer conflicts leads to enhanced positivity.
Signs of Emotional Dysregulation
The signs of emotional dysregulation are generally apparent by observing the way a person talks and behaves with others, especially when encountering a frustrating situation.
Some of the common signs of emotional dysregulation include:
- Overreacting.The person exhibits symptoms of hyper-arousal or overreaction to the situation, versus what would be an appropriate response.
- Unable to self-soothe. The individual becomes so worked up emotionally over the situation that they are unable to calm themselves down in a reasonable period.
- Mood swings. The person is hypersensitive, which causes unpredictable and constantly shifting moods.
- Impulsive responses. The individual jumps to rash decisions without considering the outcomes or consequence of their actions.
- Angry outbursts. The individual lashes out with verbal or physical outbursts, anger, or even aggressive behavior.
- Chronic irritability. The person has a negative outlook and seems to be perpetually irritated or upset.
How Emotions Can Derail Your Relationship
If you are having trouble developing or maintaining healthy relationships, emotional dysregulation could be the culprit. Without even being aware, these behaviors may be sabotaging your relationships, one right after the other. The strife that results from the fallout soon affects your attitude, your outlook on life, and your ability to remain a positive person.
It’s a known fact that most people are sensitive to the way they are treated by others. People who consistently are quick to anger, harsh in their judgments, and overreact at the slightest annoyance will inevitably cause harm to their relationships. Before they know it, the connection is damaged or maybe even destroyed altogether.
The inability to manage emotions can disrupt careers, harm friendships, and may even end a marriage. If any of this is resonating with you, read on to find out what to do about it.
5 Ways to Improve Your Emotion Regulation
If you struggle with emotional regulation and want to strengthen your relationships and connections, you can absolutely do that with a little concerted effort. Here are five ways to improve your emotion regulation and your relationships:
- Work on your communication skills. Work with a therapist to learn new ways to express your emotions without causing the other person to become defensive. This involves careful wording that communicates your feelings without coming across as judgmental or casting blame.
- Take a time out. If you feel your heart racing and anger bubbling up, calmly tell the other person that you’re going to take a little breather. This helps to diffuse the situation and allows for both parties to have some calm reflection before revisiting the issue at hand.
- Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a type of meditation that helps to acknowledge upsetting thoughts and emotions without judgment. A mindfulness tactic that helps to calm emotions is to focus on something positive in your surroundings, such as birds singing, pretty flowers, or puffy clouds.
- Use emotional labeling. Identify the specific emotion you are experiencing and name it, such as “I feel scared, (or angry, or frustrated).” Naming it draws attention to the triggered emotion and gives you a sense of control over it.
- Access relaxation techniques. Another conscious way of turning down the heat on a negative emotion is by practicing deep breathing exercises. You can access a Mindvalley breathwork relaxation program here.
By practicing these steps consistently and with intention you can learn to better regulate your emotions. For more focused support, check out the Mindvalley meditation tracks here. In turn, your relationships – and your positivity – will begin to blossom and deepen in new and spectacular ways.
